“Chemistry is not destiny” (thoughts in preparation for Lent)

When I was growing up, we were supposed to spend the 40 days of Lent contemplating all the ways we sinned, all the ways we failed to measure up – not easy for a kid, and probably not healthy either, unless it was balanced by the constant reminder that even if we snuck that extra cookie or harbored thoughts of putting piranhas in our neighbor’s bathtub, God loved us and was willing to forgive us.

The Baptismal Covenant in the Episcopal prayer book asks, “whenever you fall into sin, [will you] repent and return to the Lord?” The assumption is that of course we will sin. As Christians, however, we are to understand that our capacity for egregious behavior does not determine our destiny. Salvation is not only possible, but promised.

And what does all this have to do with parenting? Or chemistry? 

I want to start with another quotation from Paul Tough’s How Children Succeed: “scientists have demonstrated that the most reliable way to produce an adult who is brave and curious and kind and prudent is to ensure that when he [or she] is an infant, his hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis functions well.” That’s the chemistry part, and it happens when parents provide nurturing attention to their infant. (I wrote more about this back in the post on “Rat moms.”) 

But if babies don’t receive this early tending, teachers, clergy, social workers, and neighbors -- as well as the parents themselves – can later intervene in ways that help build character, all the way through adolescence. “Chemistry is not destiny,” Tough writes. That means that the times we unintentionally caused pain or neglected our kids don't have to result in irreparable damage to their character. Our children can still become brave and curious and kind….even if we haven’t always been so ourselves. We can try to do better, and we can not only allow but encourage others to help. 

This strikes me as one of the lessons of Lent: just as the body chemistry established in infancy doesn’t have to determine our destiny, neither do our piranha-like tendencies have to determine our relationship with God.  In both cases, redemption is possible. -- On the other side of Lent, after all, is the resurrection promise of Easter.

Note: once we move into Lent itself, I will begin posting ideas for crafts and activities families can do in preparation for Easter. Despite having its own liturgical color, Lent is not a stand-alone season but always looks to the promise of Easter.